Day 64


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Hello everyone, or good evening?

It’s already been the end of 2022…! How quick this year was… it was full of changes and stress as far as I recall this year. How was your 2022?

Ok, so I was writing about the first day of my life in London… but to be honest, I forgot what I was writing… so I read it again and now I remember where I was. I’d like to write about what happened after then and what I learned from the experiences. Ok…Let’s go!

【The First day at University 】

On the first day of my University, there was orientation.

I lost my way to the school on the first day, and I got lost at uni…lol

I could just search on the phone if I had a phone with data! ( I definitely should have bought a UK phone… You know the SIM card doesn’t work on Japanese phones specifically! It means I need to get a new phone for the UK or pay thousands to unlock my phone in Japan…Which I didn’t because I had no knowledge about it at that time. Sigh )

I remember that I arrived at the room where orientation was already happening. I needed to go into the room where everyone was silently staring at me because you are late. ToT…

The room was very old but nice like I used to see in a film where nicely dressed people dance at. Being in that room made me realize again that I really came to the UK and started to study at the actual University here. I smelt the room probably more than anybody at that moment to remember the moment. Which is a weird habit of mine… Anyway!

After the orientation, I headed to the studio where I will be studying for the rest of my years.

The studio was very white and bright even though there was little sunshine coming through the big windows. There were big tables with many doodles on them. And some plastic chairs were there.

When I entered the studio, there were already some groups among my classmates.

Seeing that view, I remembered a similar feeling I had when I was in a cafeteria alone in my high school in the US.
There were not many Asians in my class as I recall. Everyone except me seemed fluent in English...

I vaguely remember that there was no one who tried to communicate with me at first because I was so quiet and I didn’t even try to talk to them. Even though I knew from my experience in the US that no one would be interested in me as long as I speak out. But then, It was too much for me to talk to classmates because being adjusted to the tense environment atmosphere and finding out what was happening next was the only thing I was concentrating on, to be honest.

The first project I got was group fieldwork.

Teachers randomly selected students into a few groups and we explored London together. I think it was like finding an interesting topic about the city and giving a presentation in front of everyone in the class… or something like that…

Actually, I didn’t understand the brief well at all. (The project brief must have a deeper intention but I couldn’t ask anyone about what exactly we are doing…)

In my group, there were classmates who speak British English and also people who speak English with their accents. It was so interesting to hear native English, which I hadn’t been hearing for a while in the US.

They were communicating smoothly and understood each other well.

I was the only one who wasn’t communicating well… I was literally just being there like a baby. At least it seemed so to me. I remember that I was sort of panicking and too nervous to talk to people, even though they were very nice and kind.

Classmates in my group listened to me so carefully and tried to understand what I meant, but my nervous mouth made my English worse that they seemed puzzled… Seeing they're confusing made me feel so embarrassed that I was screaming “sorry” in my head. Although, recalling that memory made me realize how kind they were at that time.

I was struggling to communicate with anybody in my class, and I was also drowned with not understanding what I was supposed to do for that project due to my lack of English and my mental situation.

I remember that I was thinking about going back to Japan, not being able to survive the University till the end of the course… ( Now I’m glad that I didn’t give up though…)

Recalling back at that time, I realized that comparing myself to others was never helping me. Also, the feeling of being misjudged and inferior was making me feel more nervous and stressed.

Maybe, there were classmates who felt the same as I was at that time, but I didn’t think that way. I was stuck with one negative judgment I created in my head. I stopped talking to them because I felt pity for being not as good as others.

But now, I know that kind of judgment of myself does not help me to grow up.

I was so nervous and was feeling strong inferiority all the time in the University, just because of how I saw and how I felt. It was never because of my classmates or the new environment.

I guess everyone judges. I also judge people and situations, and also I compare myself to others sometimes. However, I can say that there are good judging and bad judging as far as I learned from this experience.

Bad judging only requires you to look at your single view. I guess we already know that we tend to rely on this way too often because it is easier and quicker.

On the other hand, good judging doesn’t hurt others, because it requires us to look at the situation/people from some directions, not only one direction. Doing so gives you a sense of empathy and kindness. It prevents you from misjudging situations/people, also yourself.

And I believe that it is so important for everyone including me to try good judging every single day.

Thank you for reading this blog! I’d like to continue writing about my experience in London in the next blog too!

See you next week and have a great weekend (^D^)/~♪

Illustration: Pizza shop in Peckham where my university was located.