Day 55

Right to be kind.


Hello everyone, or good evening?

It’s been a month since I posted the last blog.

My life had been ordinary fine, but I couldn’t write anything here.

It’s just because I have been very tired and powerless…

Probably, it’s due to some stuff I’ve been experiencing, but I don’t even have time and motivate myself to look back and think deeper about those right now. I guess... I am completely overwhelmed by this ordinary life in Japan, with insanely busy work and feeling unable to control myself.

To be honest, I’m lost.

So I thought… this is a good time to look at myself and think a little bit deeper than usual, instead of looking further back on my life.

In this year, I had and have been hoping to move back to the U.K to live with my love and to step up my career. However, it came out it won’t happen within this year due to COVID-19.

I was feeling ok about it at the beginning of this year because I had some hopes. It doesn’t mean that I lost all the hope now, but many of them are gone now.

Again, it was ok but not ok.

I’ve been learning something every single day, and I’m sure it gives me some important lessons for life. However, I started noticing that those experiences do give me knowledge and endurance, but don’t give me the feeling of happiness.

Yes…, I am a very greedy person and I know that. Not many people can’t have what I have now, and I know that too.

But being unable to speak of what I feel and what I want kills my emotions. It even makes me think what is the point of living? Besides, feeling pressure all the time doesn’t help me with anything at all. Some people say you must experience them, then I followed that they say. That action ended up suppressing my feelings.

It was never kind behaviour to myself.

So I wanted to stop all the restraining I have no control of.

I wanted to save myself, and I still do.
(Which… sounds very dramatic. Aww... I hate being dramatic…but I honestly felt I need to protect myself from all the restraining around me.)

I can’t imagine how cruel and unkind this world is, because I have only seen a little part of this world. But what I am experiencing is one thing that other people experience as well. That’s why I need to speak out with my drawings and tell you that this is real.

“Whatever people say to you, you always have the right to be kind to yourself. “

That’s it for today!

In the next blog, I might write about life in the U.K. but I can’t promise…! Sorry! But I hope to see you in the next blog as well.

Thank you for reading my blog until the end!

Have a great weekend (^D^)/~♪