Day 39

Losing my myself

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Hello everyone, or good evening?

SOOOOOO sorry that it took so long to update the English one here! Since my solo show started in Nagoya, I have a bit more time than before…

Ok, I would like to share a bit of the negative side of my study abroad in Oxford in this blog. It might be intense for some of you who read this, but I will try to remember what I’ve experienced and try to tell the truth.

【 Insane 】

When I’d just started adjusting to life in Oxford, I also had so many opportunities to hang around with my friends.

The environment around me was diabolic like usual, some unbelievable experiences occurred to me, and I needed to face all those situations.

Those unbelievable experiences changed my view as racism and judging by appearance became “normal” as I already experienced those things before my life. But new things, new experience was all fresher and crueler.

It was as if all the nerve has numbed.



Sexual problems

Police related incidents





There were too many things happening around me and I couldn’t hold them and deal with them.

Then I started losing myself as I was not being able to judge what was right and what was wrong, and the will I had before coming to the UK had slowly corrupted.

It was very easy to fall and suffer as it was too much to me.

I remember that I skipped many lessons as all the lessons seemed meaningless.

And my Art teacher said to me that I have depression and I should go to see a doctor…( I don’t remember if I actually went to see a psychologist..)

Once I recalled that time, I honestly don’t remember how I was clearly… because I wasn’t being able to look things around objectively. I was living, and that one thing I’m sure about now.

But, I guess being like that is “normal” in the language school as everyone was having problems and concerns inside themselves.

I couldn’t speak out loud that I’m the only one who is suffering.

There was one thing I noticed when I was talking to my classmates in the language school after studying abroad, that the environment was special as I could get to know and feel “the difference in education” in each country. And I and my classmate were desperate to live in a small society.

Ok! That’s it for today!

In the next blog, I would like to write more about studying abroad life in Oxford. I just realised that it’s been already 6-7 years since I was in Oxford! Time flies so fast…anyway, I will try to remember that time and write them out here.

Thank you for reading my blog until the end!

See you next week and have a great weekend (^D^)/~♪